


me and my inferiority contest

by CycloneRachel



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Introspection, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Short One Shot, Supergirl (TV 2015) Season 5, Written Pre-Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:47:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24243046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CycloneRachel/pseuds/CycloneRachel
Summary: "I lost... everything!"The night before he and Lex are supposed to take down Leviathan, Querl finds himself relating to that statement more than ever.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 11





	me and my inferiority contest

**Author's Note:**

> happy finale day!  
> or not so happy? I don't know. Jesse made me very nervous in the livestream with Azie Tesfai, we really have no idea what's going to happen.  
> But since last week's episode I wanted to write a "Brainy angsts on Lex's couch before the events of the season finale" fic, and I finally got that done. So, that's good! And I hope the finale is good, and that this fic is good.

_“I’ve lost everything”_

Those were the words that echoed in Querl’s mind that night, as he sat with Lex Luthor in his limo, as he allowed himself to be driven with Lex to the Luthor mansion. He’d explained to him that the only sleeping quarters he had were located inside of the DEO, and as such he had no place to sleep. So Lex allowed him to stay there, just for the night.

(For the one night before he promised they were going to defeat Leviathan together, and then afterwards- presumably- he would be free. He’d no longer have to work with Lex, pretend to align with him and to allow himself to be manipulated.)

(Then why, in his calculations of future events, did he anticipate he would still feel trapped?)

In fact, he still felt trapped at the moment, lying on one of the couches in the Luthor mansion, staring up at the ceiling. Even though he was (definitely past tense, at the moment) the director of the DEO, he didn’t ask for better accommodations, so he accepted the blanket Lex had draped over the couch and lay down, trying to follow Lex’s instructions and get some sleep before the next day’s events.

And really, hadn’t that gotten him into trouble in the first place, following his instructions?

It should have gone better than this. He was free now, uninhibited. He should’ve stayed ahead of Lex Luthor. By now, he should have defeated him, and Lena, and Leviathan, or at least should have had a plan to do the same, and should be at the Tower, with the super-friends. If he hadn’t been so stupid, acted like he had when he was inhibited, the DEO could have been saved. He could have been able to save Supergirl when the DEO was falling, get her out like he had wanted to. He could have saved his friendships, taken down the villains without doing as much damage to the family he had built in this time. He could have been invited to Thanksgiving again, at the end, after they forgave him, with less of a burden weighing on his shoulders.

But he had allowed himself to be deceived, much to his shame. Lex had been too chaotic for him to predict, and as a result he had overpowered him. He had lost his new home and his friends, what felt like his whole world, and no longer felt like the hero who had sworn an oath to the Legion, who had accepted the mission to risk the timeline to help Supergirl, who had taken off his inhibitors because he thought he would be able to overcome the darkness and anger from his family line this time.

No, he hadn’t literally lost his whole world, like the other version of himself who had bottled his. But he may as well have, for all the damage he had caused, and he couldn’t even blame an otherworldly Crisis for this.

It was all his fault, and it shouldn’t have been.

He should have been better.

_I… am the worst DEO director of all time._

_That’s not true,_ a very familiar female voice says in his mind, and Querl finds himself connected with his female doppelganger once more.

_How do you know?_

_I thought I could fight Lex and Leviathan on my own,_ she said. _But even I couldn’t. And… I let my wife die. My Supergirl- the woman I love more than anyone- is gone now, because of my mistakes. My friends, too, and my home, are lost, and it was my fault._

_That is encouraging._

His female self sighs.

 _Querl, all is not lost for you,_ she says. _You still have time to learn from what I did wrong. The DEO may be gone, but you don’t have to let your friends die._

He thinks back to the very first time he interacted with Supergirl- two years ago, at this point. He helped her out of her coma, after she had been defeated by Reign- and although he knew he hadn’t played a large part in such a case, he was glad to at least help a little bit.

After that was the ordeal on Fort Rozz, where Kara and her friends went aboard said vessel and almost burned in a blue star in the process. He remembered being so frustrated, inhibited even more by the primitive technology that he found himself using- and by the people who didn’t seem to realize his perspective on the matter.

But he’d gotten through that, too. He hadn’t let Supergirl, or any of the others, die, and he had helped where he could- with the assistance of Winn Schott, who at the time he’d only started to consider could be a friend, and was now someone invaluable to him, that he couldn’t imagine not meeting.

There were other times, too- Pestilence, fighting the other Worldkillers, the final battle against Reign and the Kryptonian witches. Everything he went through last year. He’d always done what he could, no matter how much or how little, and even when he had been inhibited in one way or another, he hadn’t given up.

 _I don’t plan to,_ he answers.

_Good._

“Director Dox?”

Querl jolted up, on the couch.

“Mr. Luthor?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”

“What do you not plan to do?” came Lex’s response. “You were talking to someone. I didn’t hear them, but you said, very clearly, “I don’t plan to”.”

“I- it’s not important.” Querl answered. “I was just… going over our plan, the one we agreed on. And I meant to say that I don’t plan to fail you, when we do what is necessary to bring down Leviathan for good.”

Lex looked at him with scrutiny, but slowly nodded. “If you say so.” He answered. “I meant it. Get some sleep, Dox. You’ll want to, for tomorrow.”

“Indeed. Goodnight.”

Lex left, then, and Querl exhaled.

_One more night. Tomorrow, this will all be over._

_I hope._


End file.
